We all know the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff.” The idea being that we should let go of the tiny details and just focus on the bigger issues. That this is where our resources belong. That we shouldn’t worry about minute details and tiny problems and if we do succeed in letting this stuff go we will be happier and be able to focus on the stuff that really matters.
And I get it. It’s true. We should let go of the tiny ways that our partners annoy us, we should ignore the fact that our kids leave their shoes in the hallway sometimes, and we should choose a day in nature over vacuuming from time to time. These types of things are in fact the “small stuff” that we should choose to ignore and focus on other things.
But when it comes to problems, goals, dreams, and changes we want to work toward in our lives, the small stuff is exactly where we should be focusing. Let me explain.
If we say we want to increase our income by 100K, or see retirement funds hit one million, these numbers can feel too big to be real. If we want to run a marathon, get into college, remodel the house, get divorced, or start a business, the odds seem terrible, the path forever long and the outcome almost impossible. We might know we want these things, but we get overwhelmed with the idea of getting from here to there, so we do nothing.
Focusing on the big picture can bring on waves of panic, fear, avoidance. Focusing on the end goal often stops us in our tracks. It’s just too hard, so we put it off and keep doing whatever we are doing. These types of big goals require more than a decision and a desire. That part is easy. I surely desire making more money, and I can even decide to do it. And then…nothing happens. And the days pass and I’m still doing the same thing I was doing yesterday.
That’s because these types of big changes require identity change. They require me to do many many MANY hard steps, make lots of sacrifices and take many actions. So the me that is doing something this way today, isn’t the me that will be doing something different when I meet my goal. I have to actually become that person. If I have never run before, I have to become a runner. If I want to be debt free, I have to become someone who prioritizes saving over spending. And these kinds of identity changes don’t happen because we decide. They happen because slowly, over time, we change our patterns of behavior and thinking. And that’s where the small stuff comes in.
Identity changes because new small ways of being create new habits and new habits create a new sense of self and the new sense of self creates new patterns and new patterns create new scenarios in my life and then the big goal isn't just possible, it’s LIKELY.
The great thing about the small stuff, is that it’s usually simple. Almost all of us could transfer 5 or 100 dollars to a credit card payment right now pretty easily. Almost all of us could run around the block. We can call an attorney or a tax advisor. We could schedule a meeting. We could write a goal down. We could get a book on starting a business.
The key however is not just to do one baby step and then be done. The commitment is to do one easy step EVERY DAY. The baby steps are doable, and when we do one, the next one then becomes doable. And then the next. And step by step by baby step, we find ourselves being a person who did a thing. And then we will be the person who DOES the thing. And before we know it, we have walked the path and the big thing is just the next obvious baby step.
What is it that you are dreaming of? Make a list of all the first steps, and then break those down into three steps. For example if your goal is to get your investments in order, a first step is to get a financial advisor. And then we break that into three smaller steps. 1) google advisors, 2) ask a friend for a referral 3) call three advisors for informational meetings. If those still feel too big I can break them down even more, I keep going until I find a step I can do right now. Easy.
So sure, let go of the stuff that doesn’t matter. But when you find something in your life that does matter, zero in on the small stuff and sweat it out. You might just find the big stuff doesn’t feel so big after all.
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